Биле три наставнички и работеле во некое село , арно ама требало да идат пеш до магистралниот пат.Пешачеле околу 2 км и најпосле стигнале до маг.пат.Чекале извесно време ама не поминало ништо за превоз , после неколку минути еве иде еден камион. Застанал возачот и едната наставничка се качила во камионот а двете не. Возачот ја прашува на оваа што се качила зашто не се качуваат овие две. Наставничката му одговорила остај ги нив едната е изгубена во просторот а другата во минатото. Едната предава географија а другата историја. А ти што предаваш ја прашал возачот на оваа што се качила , она одговорила јас предавам математика. И си пресметав боље е 20 см меѓу нозе него 20 км под нозе
Војска Владимир Путин, Џорџ Буш и Бранко Црвенковски се расправаат кој има најголема војска. Прво одат кај Владимир Путин и тој им вели -Ја гледате касарнана? -Да. -Е во неа има 2 000 војници сега замислете колкава војска е тоа. Одат во Америка кај Џорџ Буш. Им покажува 5-6 касарнии и им вели: -Во секоја касарна има по 20 000 војници, па замислете си колку војска е тоа. Одат во Македонија кај Бранко Црвенковски. Со хелихоптер го прелетуваат Тетово. Бранко Црвенковски паметен му рекол -Ги гледате долу луѓено со бели капи? – Ги гледаме. – Сите тие ни се кувари па замислетеси колкава војска ние имаме.. Извор: http://www.vicoteka.mk/vicovi/si-bile/vojska-3/#ixzz4kMSNg5XN
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. "Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post. He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home." ************************************************************************** It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. "Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot-- I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want." The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake's striking range. He said, "OK, first, I'd like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I'd like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I'd like sexual equipment like this here horse I'm riding." The rattlesnake said, "All right, when you get back to the bunk house you'll have all three wishes." The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunkhouse. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror. Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable. He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted, "My God, I was riding the mare!" ************************************************************************ An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off. "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "Nothing," shrugged the woman, " I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off." "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback........" ******************************************************************************** A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. However, one o'clock came and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. He returned around two-thirty and found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace. She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did so slowly. "Now take off my socks." He did. "Now take off my skirt." He did. "Now take off my bra." Again with trembling hands he did as he was told. "Now," she said, "take off my panties." He slowly pulled them down and off. Then she looked at him and said, "Don't you ever wear my clothes to town again!" *********************************************************************************
Оди една жена на лекар и му се жали -- Докторе бе , не може да ме задоволи еден маж... -- Пробај со двајца -- Пробав докторе , не можат ниту двајца -- Тогаш пробај со петмина -- Пробав бе докторе , не можат да ме задоволат и петмина -- Аааа госпоѓо , тогаш ти си феномен -- Така бе докторе , феномен , а не цело маало ороспија ме вика
– Ало полиција!? Удрив две кокошки, што да правам? – Поместете ги на страна да не сметаат на сообраќајот и не не замарајте за глупости! – А со нивното пежо што да правам?! – Ало… Три часот по полноќ е!!! Кој се јавува?! – Добро вечер учителке, таткото на еден ваш ученик е на телефон. Спиете ли?! – Се разбира!!! – А ние лепиме цвеќиња на хамер за домашно… Цветко се пушта на девојка: – Девојко сакаш ли малку виски? – Може, ама малку… – Да ти ставам два прста? – Еј, дај прво виски!
МЛАД БРАЧЕН ПАР Само што оженет пар прави муабет: – Мажот: Жено ќе те пуштам да ми го испушиш ако ми одговориш точно на едно прашање. – Жената: Може, ајде прашај ме. – Мажот: Што е тоа мало, бело, иде по двор и клука? – Жената: Алигатор! – Мажот: Ау, пичка ти матер, па ти се знаеш.
A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you. ******************************************************************** If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2. ******************************************************************** I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight. “Was anything wrong with them?” the clerk asked. “Yes,” I said. “They hurt my feelings.” ********************************************************************** Girl: Ick! Why does this sandwich have bacon on it? Friend: You ordered a BLT. Girl: Whaaaat? I thought the B stood for bread. *********************************************************************** My wife and I run a small restaurant where we often name our specials after our employees—dishes like “Chicken Mickey,” after our dishwasher who gave us the recipe, and “Rod’s Ribs,” after a waiter who had his personal style of barbecue. One evening after rereading the menu, I broke with this tradition and changed the description of the special we had named after our chef. Despite her skills and excellent reputation, somehow I didn’t think an entrée named “Salmon Ella” would go over big with our customers. ********************************************************************** The photographer was positioning my new husband and me for our wedding photos when he asked, “Have you ever modeled?” My cheeks instantly turned red. “No, I haven’t,” I said. “But I always thought …” The photographer interrupted me: “I meant him.” ************************************************************************* My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, “Did you ever kill anyone?” Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, “Probably. I was the cook.”
Се оженил некој човек, си иде од работа и дома за јадење зелка... Другиот ден пак зелка.... Третиот ден пак зелка... И скоро месец така само зелка му правела и овој се изнервирал и и рекол: -Добро ма пи*ка ти матер друго јадење освен зелка знаеш да правеш? -Знам -Епа шо не направеш! -Додека е*еш како зајак има зелка да јадеш !!!
Решил таткото да испита колку фамилијата го сака, па се преправал дека умрел. Се собрале ќерките и зетовите околу него и го припремале за закоп. Најстариот зет рекол: - Дајте да не му купуваме одело, многу пари ќе потрошиме за ништо. Да му купиме тренерки. Средниот зет охрабрен од предходниот предлог, предложува место чевли, да му се купат патики. И на крај најмалдиот вели: - Наместо шешир да му купиме качкет. Се собираат сите околу него, го облекле и го ставаат во ковчег. Почнале ќерките да плачат и едната рекла: - Ах бе тате, каде ќе одиш? Таткото станал и рекол: - НА ОЛИМПИЈАДА КАКО ШТО СУМ ОБЛЕЧЕН ПИ*КА ВИ МАТЕРИНА !!!
